Album Reviews

Big Brother & the Holding Company (1967), Big Brother and the Holding Company – WARNING! This isn't the Cheap Thrills by Janis Joplin feat. Big Brother and the Holding Company that everyone has come to know and love (that's assuming one's not counting I Got Dem Ol' Kozmic Blues Again Mama! or Pearl, because then I'm safe). This is more like Big Brother and the Holding Company feat. Janis Joplin, and Janis Joplin is being treated like that of Nico (i.e. The Velvet Underground & Nico). Oh sure, don't get me wrong, she's a part of a band and being a part of a band means everyone should get a turn singing lead, right? Anyways, that's cool having Miss Joplin score only four songs to sing lead upon; not bad for a lead singer (that's one more than Nico!), but this is no ordinary lead singer, this is Janis motherf-ckin' Joplin. I mean, she is/was kinda known for that. This is acid rock, though I should use that term loosely; however that may change when one questions the connection between a caterpillar, a butterfly, a pterodactyl, or an abominable snowman all having to do with love, and yet it sort of lacks the whole acid feeling, although I’m not saying that I know what that feels like. The studio scrubbed that down and made the band sound tame. Though, given the state that it's in, I would've arranged it to have "Bye, Bye Baby" to the closer. ("Bye, Bye Baby," "Women Is Losers," and "Call on Me") B

Cosmo's Factory (1970), Creedence Clearwater Revival – Can't really turn a corner without hearing a hit on this album. Sixty-four percent of music will later appear on Chronicle, Vol. 1, making up thirty-five percent of that album. Aren't percentages fun? This album has everything; there's slide guitars, roots rock, a Marvin Gaye cover, swamp rock, country rock, John Fogerty, a Bo Diddley cover, elephants, and a Roy Orbison cover. The statement that seems to summarize it well: “oh, that's also on this album.” So are the elephants playing the tambourines, John Forgerty? (“Lookin'Out My Back Door,” “Run Through the Jungle,” “Who'll Stop theRain,” and “Long as I Can See the Light”) A

Destroy All Astromen! (1994), Man or Astro-man? - If there's anything one should know about Man or Astro-man? it is that they are very nice to vinyl junkies. That's always a good thing, but who knew Sci-Fi-themed surf rock straight out from the '90s could be that cool? So when I grow up I wanna be a Man or Astro-man?. (“Of Sexand Demise,” “Joker's Wild,” “Intoxica,” “The Heavies(Let's Surf the River of Blood),”Mystery Science Theater 3000 LoveTheme,” and “Landlock”) A-

Some Nights (2012) – Fun. - Wasn't really expecting them to be potty mouths, but oh well; I guess that's what one has to do to not sound average. Nor was I expecting them to use “string-arrangements,” similar to that of a sixties baroque pop album, throughout the record. It was just a mixture of piano, some Queen-esque vocal styles (which are on the borderline of being parodies- thanks auto-tune), and the use of stock music. Though, at the end, “Stars” sounds like they're having a real good time, an ode to Metal Machine Music. At least they're just setting the world on fire, instead of the Vatican (i.e. Macklemore). Wait, what? Though, on the bright side, it isn't Some Girls. (“We Are Young,” “Why Am I the One,” and “All Alone”) B-

Fear and Loathing in (UW-)Whitewater (Part II)

It was time for a change of scenery, so Dusty led us off to new frontiers. We left his dorm with our jackets on our backs, bundles of five dollars in our pockets, and Semisonic's “Closing Time” stuck in our heads. We were about to embark upon the “normal” thing that “normal” college students who live on campus do...

If you guessed drinking, then I set it up correctly and get a gold star for deception, and if not then.., but the fact of the matter was that he was going to take us on tour of the campus. That's right, a tour. Nothing says I'm a “collage studden” like a midnight tour. Indeed a tour of the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater campus. We exited the “Geddy” Lee Hall and walked towards the first stop, Drumlin (a dining hall/convenience store), which wasn’t that far way. Oh, I probably should explain the “Geddy” Lee bit: since Dusty lives in the Lee Hall and is a fan of the Canadian rock band Rush, and their bassist's name is Geddy Lee, this was done for Dusty's sake and surprisingly wasn't a rhetorical choice at all. Anyways, upon entering the building we walked up some stairs. The others followed Dusty. I for one did not, not because I'm rebel or some horseshit like that, but I had gotten sidetracked by a poster of John Belushi portraying Bluto, his character from National Lampoon's Animal House. I later found this to be the only tribute on campus to their famous attendee. I had then caught up with the tour group. Drumlin was this Emporium-sque place or, simply put, a convenience store. It was mainly dead, which is probably to be expected since it was after midnight and all. It was a convenience store and that's about all I can say about it. However, I didn't see any ice-tea of any brand name; Jared would be most disappointed. Not even a matching stain to go along with it, not really much of an “-sque” is it?

Looking around there were some baskets of chips for thirty-five cents or so. But it turned out be nothing but a bunch of empty wicker baskets and few bags of Goldfish (and just to clarify, Goldfish are not chips), talk about false advertising. Okay, that might be a lie since there was a chip bag lying on the bottom of one of the other baskets. I think the main reason we had come here was for the infamous “cheesyhawks.” So probably around this time Dusty had asked if anyone wanted a “cheesyhawk.” Not to worry, it is a food, though what came/comes to mind is that it's a block of melted cheese covered in hawk feather, though I’m not really sure if there is any hawk in them at all. As for myself, I had made no secret of it to Dusty that I wasn't going to eat it, but more along the lines of poking it. Or I could make a sketch of it; I mean that is what business majors do. We circled around and then walked back towards the entrance. Upon walking back I noticed from a distance, and out of the corner of my eye, what appeared to be “cannabis” flavored beef-jerky. Of course, this is a tale of nothing more than high morals and G-rated concepts, so there wouldn't be any of that. Plus this is Wisconsin, just sayin'. It was obviously nothing more than my eyes playing a simple trick, along with the help of stereotypical Mary Jane green upon the packaging.

Moving right along, I had drifted towards the farthest shelves (or the closest to the window) when my eyes happened to be glued upon a certain hygiene product that expands when wet. Also feminine. Funny, because there was this large window right there. I had also assumed it was shady business, similar to that of a drug deal, when females would get this product. I had pointed it out to Cody, and he had made the statement of: “those would clog the toilet. Let's do it.” Ah! Yes, a science experiment came to mind. I ran the idea by Stueven and he agreed. So it was settled, it shall be done in the name of science! Though Dusty seemed less than enthused. I mean it's not like we're using them for their principle purpose, so it's not weird. Right? Dusty wouldn't budge, and it became a dead issue. Loitering there was getting old, so it was that time to leave the miniature convenience store and continue the tour.

Upon leaving we had passed what looked like a “build your own salad” type-bar, and I had made the comment that the tomatoes didn't look fresh and had a thought that the lettuce didn't look all that good either. Of course that's assuming the lettuce was lettuce and hadn’t been pieces of artichoke. We exited the building and walked along the sidewalk and followed Dusty. He led us to the next stop, their [UWWW's] version of a fine arts building. Along the way there were hurdles and a distraction, that being a certain button. I was told not to press the button. Also I had taken the opportunity to make it seem like a legitimate tour, so I took a couple dozen (or more) holiday snaps.

The fine arts building, which was closed (gee, thanks a lot, Dusty), had these four large, metal, blue/orange people cutouts. Dusty had also mentioned that Ron, and no, not Ron Weasley, though don't be too discouraged, for there are other connections to Hogwarts that Whitewater has… anyways, I’m getting sidetracked, Ron, I assume a native, spends most of his time here. And for Cathi, this would be some sort of foreshadowing. We walked along to that point, which was quite some time. Probably along the way Dusty was talking about interesting facts or statistics or some sort of bullshit like that, but alas, there's only so much I can remember. The next probably had a proper title, but I can only remember it as “the building that had a very old bell, which Dusty told us not to ring.” I think that title sums up what happened nicely. We moved right on to the next, but first, on the outside was this bust of Lincoln, correction: a bust of the young Lincoln (no beard, shaved winky smile), the bust stood upon the plaque dedicated The World War. This prompted Carter or Phil or Stueven, well it was at least one of them, to say: “Dusty, Whitewater got it wrong.” Ironically, this building was also where history was taught. This was, claimed Dusty, the oldest building and something and another. Oh, I almost forgot that this building is also “haunted.” That's right; this is one of the numerous things that are “haunted” on the Whitewater campus. Apparently, things move or sounds are made when no one is around. I guess that would explain why the lights were on.

As we walked on, Dusty pointed out buildings on the left and the right, and their purposes. He had led us uphill and pointed out this crap shack in the distance. But what tour would be complete with a potty break? Dusty “broke in” to the nearby building and we did our business and left. Oh, and a “guard” had told Dusty they were “only opened until a certain time.” So the bright thing to do was exit, go down the hill and reenter the through the proper front door. Yeah, that showed that “guard.” Inside was nothing too special; there were eating places and everything was stained with Warhawk fandom. We exited the eating place and continued on. Dusty was again pointing out the buildings on our left and right and their purposes. We did, in fact, pass a greenhouse; oh that's neat. He had explained that the green-haired girl, Amanda, or “Bio Girl,” keeps all of those plants alive; oh that's very impressive. We continued. We passed the bookstore and another building and then we had entered the student housing, where he had said something about Mads, but I don't quite remember what it was about. We continued walking, and in the distance there was a pack of natives who, if anything, seemed to be inebriated, standing on a hill. Zigzagging around the campus, we passed another eating place, went through an “alleyway,” and passed a herd of “washing machines.”

Like most tours, murder is certainly a topic of choice, so far be it from this to be any different. Whitewater has a dark history, and was turned into a movie. Dusty had explained that back in the day, before Whitewater was a part of the UW system, it was a school of witchcraft and wizardry… oh, where have I heard that before? Anyways, Dusty had asked us if we wanted to go up to the tower. Of course, I, being a business major, couldn't get a great picture of this tower. We walked up a hill towards the tower. Oh, also this tower is where three witches were hung, or as I like to think about it is that they murdered three innocent people, just sayin'. Dusty was surprised that we actually wanted to go there at night, because none of his Whitewater friends had ever wanted to. True, however this was a special evening, for it was Day-Light Savings, so that changes everything. So on this thought of witches and murders, this would seem like the perfect time to see the school's cemetery. Yep, Whitewater has its own cemetery. Well of course we walked there, but on the way there Dusty had told as about this book in the Whitewater library that was written by those witches. He continued saying that everyone who has read this book has gone mad and committed suicide. Guess who's going to use the UW-System library loan to find this book?

We had stopped outside the cemetery to talk about the fence: the fence which was covered in gum. Apparently this was some sort of band tradition where, just before some sporting event the band sticks their gum to the fence. We did go in, but it was so much more walking. However, I did get to ask the witty question: “Is it true that college students dug up the corpses to go have sex?” I don't really remember what Dusty's response was, but I assume it was just right. The tour was coming to end and the last stops were sports related, so yeah. We came back to flat ground and a street that led to the sports. Dusty had stated that this is where the freshmen… and I interrupted with “it's where the freshmen are stripped naked and made lay down as steamrollers...” I was close, but it's where the freshmen paint the entire street purple. And Dusty remembered where he had painted. Well good for you, good for you. The football stadium was in sight. We gazed at the field and such. And of course I had noticed that for a sports area there are a lot of cigarette butts everywhere. Once everything had soaked in we left the sports area and that was that. We had walked across the parking lot and towards the dorm. Alas! The tour was over and my, and probably the others,' legs were tired, as we entered the back door of the “Geddy” Lee Hall.

To be continued....

Fear and Loathing in (UW-)Whitewater (Part I)

It was night. The trip was stained with billboards and car lights. The view from the truck's windows had fit with the music, Iggy Pop's “ThePassenger.” Okay, that right there was a lie; “The Passenger” wasn't playing. I mean, come on that would almost be too perfect. I did think of “The Passenger,” at the moment and it did seem to make sense. I think Pop's message had conveyed what we- Carter, Cody, Phil, Stueven, and I- were embarked upon. The actual music playing wasn't as deep; I mean, I think I heard one of the song's lyrics was something along the lines of “piss, piss, awesome.” Yep, that's the sounds of the music of Stueven. Though to be fair he did have MGMT's “Kids” and Marcy Playground's “Sex and Candy” on that disc by which I was impressed. It was roughly a two hour drive or so, and I bet one could tell this was written by someone from Wisconsin with the fact that I'm telling the distance through hours. We passed through the city of Milwaukee and off to a city in the middle of nowhere: Whitewater.

Nowhere indeed. With the simple fact that Whitewater was literally in the middle of nowhere, I had lead most, if not all, of us to believe that Whitewater wasn't real. We had passed the sign that read: “Whitewater.” Boy, that must have set Dusty back a bit. I mean, making it actually seem real. We passed through a roundabout into what seemed to be the city, though it had the appearance of Kiel. Continuing further down, the Kiel scene had turned into what looked very similar to Sheboygan Falls. Luckily for me, Stueven's disc had run out of music and then it was time for Fatboy Slim to shine. "TheRockafeller Skank” was on; check it out now, the funk soul brother. And later Fatboy Slim was doing something in heaven. I think it was fucking, but don't take my word for it.

We had gotten further down the way where Stueven had turned down some unknown residential street, but we were looking for a road named Starin. Phil, who had been doing the navigating, said “Starin is probably at the end of this, somewhere.” Believe it or not but the boy was right. After one parking lot seemed sketchy because it seemed to be away from everything else, we managed to find one that would seem to be closest: Parking Lot 7. We stepped out of the vehicle. And my thought was that this is cheesyhawk warhawk hawk country!

Now, like any other guests, we wouldn't want to inform our host of our arrival, so why not seek him out? It seemed legit at the time; it's like we weren't in an unknown land or anything like that. We stumbled across student housing, where the leaves were the shape and size of dog shit. We were following Phil who was still navigating. We went whichever the hell direction he went: left, right, forwards, backwards, towards, and even in a circle. There was something spooky about these three buildings that Cody had pointed out. During these trials and tribulations, we had found a car friend, who was probably some inebriated college girl. She liked this game of honking the horn at us, or at least it seemed that way. Not to worry, the car friend was parked, and we weren't even in the way of it, although I really thought it was a failure to communicate. After going in circle we had finally found the Lee Hall, but how does one get in?

The answer was simple: sneak in. Sure, why not? I mean this doesn't seem like UWM or anything like that. Once again, Phil had brought up the idea. So we stood and waited for a person to open the door. She was being quite helpful, though she didn't really know how helpful she was being. We climbed the tiled stairs, I mean everything was tiled, and we climbed those stairs to the fourth floor. We then started looking at every door for Dusty's adjective name. Also, I probably should mention that it was really warm in that hall. Then we bummed into another helpful native, who actually knew he was being helpful, and he told us where Dusty was, and so he brought us to the lad.

Dusty greeted us outside of his room, while his dorm was full of Whitewater natives. We still had to get our stuff, so Dusty left the room with all of those people still inside of it. Yeah, I know I said those people; what, wanna fight about it? So we voyaged back the vehicle. On the way to the outside, we bumped into one of Dusty's friends in the hall (at least that's what I think happened.) It turned out to be Chris, who I heard likes The Rocky Horror PictureShow and a certain someone's Lonely Island vinyl, which I had heard from a reliable source. Dusty had introduced ourselves, and then we went on our merry separate ways. This would be the only time we would see this Chris fellow. Eventually we made it back to the vehicle, which had been almost as challenging as finding Lee Hall. Sure, Dusty might live there, but he doesn't even know where Parking Lot 7 is, so yeah. Like I said, it wasn't as bad as finding the hall, and we got to the vehicle which is what we had needed.

As we got back to Lee Hall and climbed the tiled stairs, there were still people occupying his room. So we dropped our shit off at Dusty's room and walked, without Dusty, towards what appeared to be a “lounge” area, and we lounged. Dusty’s inhabitants had finally cleared out his dorm and we moved from the “lounge” area to the Dusty's newly cleared out dorm. The room had four walls, a ceiling, and even a floor. There were two beds and a futon. There was even a Red Hot Chili Peppers poster on the wall. All of us had gotten situated. I, of course, made it to the futon. Then there was a person who walked in. This person turned out to be Kenny, who was Dusty's “adopted” roommate and a fan of the music of Adele, which I had learned from a reliable source, or at least I could assume was reliable. Kenny had explained that the reason he had become an adopted roommate was, as he put, his “... [“former”] roommate and his girlfriend don't know how to stop fucking.” That's unfortunate though. I suppose it could always be worse: the roommate could be the type of person who isn't the master of his own domain, wink wink. Then again I really won't know. And Kenny had apologized in advance about his use of the King’s English, because he does use it: insert “O” face here. I really couldn't give a shit if he did or didn't, though it was a nice gesture either way, I suppose. Kenny had left the dorm and regrouped with other Whitewater natives to do God knows what?

The night's entertainment consisted of video games, or at least a video game, in which there was only a certain number of players, so one person would sit out each round. It was simple enough, although problems had arisen. Cody was being inquisitive about things being hooked up correctly. At one point, though, Dusty had stated that something was in something and then it led Cody to say, “An HDMI cable doesn't go into a UBS port.” Dusty simply responded with: “oh...” Once things were calibrated everything was better, though it wasn't great, but it didn't make it worse at least. That's certainly a plus, I think.

As this was going on, I had not really noticed it, but two natives had walked in: a shorter guy, and the other a female. The female, with evergreen colored hair, had come into the room and entertained Dusty with stories of conquest. These stories were more or less about the dyeing of her hair this most lovely color of green, her piercings, and her winning of something called an “alcohol hat.” I really don't know what it is, but hey I'm not judging. It turned out that her name was Amanda, though it's not like I'm going to remember that. Her short gentleman friend left before Dusty had introduced us, so it was the female who learned which schools we all go to. Only moments after the green-haired girl left, we were informed that she was, in fact, the “Biology Girl.” The name of the “Biology Girl” was some sort of bearing of a miniature cult following. I still had gotten a kick out of “Biology Girl” and the shorter guy's pet name for Dusty: “Google Bitch.” I had found this humorous. “Google Bitch.” I could only imagine how that originated; actually I knew how it started, but that's for another time, or not. Who's to say?

We continued on with the game until ten-thirty, which was when the newest Saturday Nigh Live was on, so all was stopped and we watched. Jonah Hill was hosting and the band was, surprisingly, someone I never had heard of, The Shins. All was well until a certain someone, Dusty, had left to check on something (I think that might be right.) I then locked, I mean the wind locked, the door. To be fair there was some peer pressuring going on and I won't point any fingers, Stueven, but they, or he, can be very convincing, just sayin'. Luckily for Dusty's sake, Kenny had come to his aid and opened the door; aren't we just the best guests ever? By the time of Weekend Update (with Seth Meyers) there had been three more natives in the room, or at least I think there was: the shorter guy from before, a tall one, and maybe a third one. I mean, if there was a third he really couldn't have been there more than a moment or two. By the way, if anyone can figure out how long a moment is, please inform me. The shorter one left, just like before (talk about Déjà vu). The tall one was later revealed to be one of the two RAs on the floor. The tall one also had a name, Cody. So to avoid confusion we'll call this Cody “Whitewater Cody.” Much similar to the green-haired girl, Dusty had introduced us with our names and our respective schools. Whitewater Cody had stayed for most of SNL, or at least that's what I remember, I think. SNL had ended and the night was still young. More was yet to happen, I think.

To be continued...

Spider Solitaire

During this weekend I found myself; trapped in the tantalizing addiction to Spider Solitaire. Sure it's not a proper addiction like crocheting or heroin, but hey nobody's perfect. Which is probably the first step: admitting one has a problem. Basically an over-the-top summary of the game, simply put, would be a game of social class and segregation. But that's a far gone thought from just putting the cards in numerical order and the correct suit.


I think the reason that the game is so addicting is because that one gets so close to winning that one just has to try again. And before you know it, you play six games and five hours have gone by, but that's just a hypothetical situation (so I'm not saying that this has happened to me). Anyways, I have tried all three different difficulties and I can honestly say that I don't think there's a way to win the “Advance Difficulty,” just sayin'. Of course, this leads me to the next problem: sure, the first two difficulties, beginner and intermediate, make sense as they go from one suit to two suits. That seems legit. But then from intermediate to advance is just crazy, going from two suits to four suits. Talk about jumping the gun there. I would feel a little safer if I could just gradually work my way up to the four suits, instead of being throw into a chasm, just sayin'.


Yet I don't see the connection between a spider and a card game. Is it simply the icon?


On a separate note: does one ever get the feeling that Wisconsin is just in one big snow globe? Because I'm surely convinced that it is, just sayin'. Also, I’d like to say I'm psyched for Jack White's debut album; hopefully it goes as well as anything done by the White Stripes or Dead Weather.