Dishes

Believe it or not, but I do, I do the dishes (like a boss. Yeah, I know you probably saw that coming from a mile away). So, one should know that this was inspired by true events or something. Another thing would be that we do own a dishwasher, so you all can stop worrying and such. And it isn't going to be along the lines of: “oh, we've got a dishwasher, but it’s called... ________ (insert someone’s first name there).” I will have none of that. It's actually a dishwasher (hold up, where am I going with this? Oh that's right some form of an allegory).

Boy, I suppose I'll start this off as such, with the knife being quite a third derivative, and not only that but it jabbed me, and it was completely unapologetic. I know, right? I can see where it's coming from; it is pretty narcissistic on such topics as cutting or spreading. Spoons were pretty much the pushovers. Bowls were probably the most overbearing of the items. A measuring cup is probably the closest thing to an intellectual, or at least I try to pass it off as one. I mean, there is only so much it knows, and then there's the lack of the whole Metric System. This country…

I'm pretty convinced that if the items in the kitchen had any form of a hierarchy or a social class of any sort that Tupperware would be the peons. They're the lowest of the low. I don't see any other item that would actually want to be associated with Tupperware because of the simple fact that they're nothing more than a nuisance. I will put it like this: it's that type of person who just tags along to a party, and later gushes from their orifice, or who waltzes in the room like they own the place. Yeah, that type of nuisance. Of course, one could still make the argument that the sexiest word in the English language is “Tupperware,” although I find that to be a stretch, just sayin'.

Moving right along, plates probably have more of a commitment than one's standard run-of-the-mill paper plates, who, I like to clarify, fears commitment due to the fact that it's not sure if it wants to hold onto food or to let it drop. Yeah, that's about the sad truth. Another sad truth was that not one of the kitchen items displayed any sense of wittiness or humor. Most, if not all, had this feeling of being up tight.

And that's whatever the hell this was...

Now on a completely separate note: I learned Jared really knows quite a bit about cars.